What are you looking at? Is probably the most pointless
fucken question posed by someone when it's quite obvious you're looking at
them.
This is the question that gets asked to me, most often by women, who having
taken what appears to be some
considerable time in choosing the outfit that they are wearing to show as much
of their body off as to be considered inappropriate in any situation bar
perhaps a centrefold shoot for playboy; black label edition.
I mean really? If you've got your boobs basically hanging
out, what the hell do you expect me to do? Not look? Please, I'm a man, that's
what I’m programmed to look at. If that upsets you then don't put it in my
face, or put some clothes on.
Now I'm aware that I have a face like a bashed crab which
probably has something to do with it. If I was a pretty boy that spent every
waking moment in the gym, spent an hour adjusting my hair before I left home;
had teeth whitening treatment each week and generally focused all my attention
on myself, I probably wouldn't notice anyway but that's the kind of guy that
THAT girl wants to notice her. Work that out because I can't.
I once had an occasion I was walking along a high street in
London in the early afternoon in summer. I noticed, as I always do, a woman
walking along in what can only be described as a belt. She would have said it
was a skirt but it was actually a belt. So anyway there she is walking one of
those yappy, annoying little fucken dogs that you just want to kick up the ass
really hard and wear it like a slipper. As I'm walking behind her taking in the
view but at the same time trying not to look, she bends down to pick up the
hairy little creature and there it is, staring me in the face, winking at me.
It's beaver time. A bit odd I thought to myself, walking a dog on the high
street with a tiny, barely there skirt and no panties bending down, I mean
fuck. What the hell am I supposed to look at? She sees me and what does she say
"What are you looking at?" Before I can fire off a quick retort like
"Well I can see what you've had for lunch and gutted rabbit was on the
menu." Or "Hey, nice beaver" she then continues and say's "Fucken
pervert." Before walking away with her little mongrel under her arm.
Now I'm not massive on social etiquette but how am I the
pervert in this situation? I had trousers and underpants on. Surely she wanted
someone to see but it wasn't me.
This incident sparked an idea that I wanted to try. I was
tired of being on the receiving end of THAT question.
I had a pair of trousers that had quite a large split at the
crutch and even when I wore underwear you could actually see my balls. I think
we can all agree that was never going to be a good look.
I'm in a shop getting some things and a woman actually comes
up to me and says, out loud " Excuse me "Your trousers’ are split and I
can see your ball bag." This was just the opportunity I'd been waiting
for.
I looked her in the eye and said “Why are you looking down
there anyway? Were you trying to see my junk? Filthy bitch."
The look on her face was priceless.
She looked just like the kind of princess that would use
that line on guys like me. She stood there, mouth open with a total look of
shock and no clue how to respond. I'm not even sure I could come up with
something witty to say back to that.
Is there a lesson here? I'm not entirely sure and I've
thought about it often.
Should we men be looking at women? Should we make it look
like we're not looking? Does some of the blame for us looking lie with those
that wear revealing clothing?
Now I'm sure there is going to be some asshole reading this
that says yeah and next you're going to say that because a woman wears a short
skirt she deserves to be raped but you can just fuck off right now. Let me say
this loud and clear, NO woman deserves to be raped EVER!
The thing is that whether you believe in God or evolution
it's irrelevant, we were given eyes for a reason, to look at things. As a man I
feel compelled to look at the fairer sex and like it or not that is you ladies.
I'll apologise in advance if that offends you but please try
to take it easy on me, after all, if I'm looking it means I think you are
beautiful and that can't be all bad, right?
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